Me (on the other side of the call): Of course,Sir! The data and the file is ready! I shall get the print outs and come at 2 PM in the conference room.
I give the excel files a final TOUCH UP and copy them to a pen drive. And try one of the WINDOWS-technical-goof-up, that is the SAFELY REMOVE option. But, the 128 MB RAM does not support the 16 GB pen drive. I pull out the PD unceremoniously. And find an until-now-non-existent-bent along the length of the pen drive.
The pen drive is so badly bruised that it is now unfit for further use. Fuck that for now.I think. I shall carry the printouts to the meeting. I go to the printer cum scanner cum XEROX. The monochromatic LCD of the printer reflects "PAPER MISMATCH". I find that there is no paper in the paper tray. Helpless, I decide to borrow a pen drive from a colleague. I FINALLY manage to get those files in to the borrowed pen drive. I sigh. HUSSSSHHH.
I enter the conference room. Talk initiated inside the room is about IPL.
The droopy-eyed-tall-guy says: One six in 10 matches! And still the highest run getter. Isko Bolte hai AUKAT!
AGM: Sachin is now HAS starTED playing like LARA.
BOOTLICKER: He has reached his maturity.
( AFTER playing for 21 long years, Sachin has matured. Mature enough to be compared to Lara.)
They notice me, coming in. My boss is absent for the day. So, it means that I represent my department today, at the meeting.
AGM: HEY! You should be here ON 2 o'clock. By 2:02 PM, you shood take THEE command. SEE, it is not enough to JUST come IN the playground, you shood also bat.
I nod. What more could I have done?
AGM: Let us GATE starTED.PLAY!!! Let this be A power play SAYsion!
By then, I am done with the uploading of the PD files to the conference PC. I open the files, but it takes eons to open a file on this decrepit computer. Finally, the file is displayed.
AGM: Where is thee important content? You shood have it with you.
ME: I have not got it from you, Sir. I have sent you an e-mail asking for the same.
AGM: e-mail se kya hota hai. Personally, you shood have contacted me! What is thee AAGEEENDAA?
I listen. ( What's the point of using an e-mail facility then? It is like sending first an invitation card by post to someone and then landing up at his residence to AGAIN personally invite the person!)
AGM: Where is your Boss?
Me: Donno, Sir!
AGM: There is no daaataaa. You DOES not bring any daaataaa. Useless time pass happen then.
Me: I have brought the data,Sir!
AGM: Where is it? where is it?
The slow PC isn't capable to open a 1 MB file even after a minute.
AGM: You do not bring thee daaataaa! Your DEEPAARment is always LIKE THIS. You don't have daaataaa, why you come? Don't come then.
Me: I have the data. It's just that the PC is slow. It will open. Wait a minute.
AGM ( Now standing): The meeting is over then. You do not bring thee daaataaa. I am going to tell TO your boss that he is not making gooood use of his
ME: Sir, it will open! The file will open!
AGM: That is NAAAOOO your probLAME. The meeting is over for us! ( he says,pointing towards his
Everyone is ready to leave. They leave, eventually. I sit inside the conference room. Silent. Staring at the projected excel file.
BORED, i leave.
I return to my cubicle. It's been just 2 weeks at the job.
NEXT DAY. The situation is the same as the previous day's.
My boss isn't at work.
Slight change is that I do *not* attend the meeting.
The meeting is over by 2:02 PM. Again. LACK of DAAATAAA and DAYDEECAYSHUN, it seems again.
AGM ( comes to my cubicle): You WAS not presaant? There is no DAYDEECAYSHUN from your side. Your DEPARment is suffering. Have you and your boss made a straTARgee to not to come to thee meeting?
The AGM always mentions cricket. Almost every where. Relates it to almost everything.
POWER PLAYS, BAT & BALL. SACHIN!
The entirety of the AGM's AAAGEEENDDAA is now understood.
I realize that he is actually taking a straTARGEEEC TIME-OUT!!!
LATER!
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