ORANGE BLISS!!!

I feel rather sleepy. I was up with the larks this morning. It is April. Even at such early hours, it is humid in Mumbai.  The days being longer than the nights, I am blessed with the apparition of the Sun God and its orangish light beams even at 6:15 A.M. I am walking on a leveled tar road; abutting to it are the uneven endless gardens. A lot of twittering and chirping of the birds can be heard. I am sleepy, but the auditory sensation from the rhythmic chirrups is like instrumental music to me. (Reminder of the Doordarshan Montage being played on the TV that brings smile to every Indian, morning-school-going-sleepy-eyed- child of the 90s.) There is a lot of ramble of some yellow colored flowers on the tar road. The same scenario is present in the vicinity where I once-upon-a-time LIVED, when the early mornings of the vacation days were spent playing cricket with friends, on a similar tar road coated with a similar coverage of yellow flowers.

I cover some more distance. The office building can be seen now. I am about 200 meters away from it. The clean window panes of the building reflect the light from the Sun. The sky behind the office building is covered with a fleet of grey clouds that dapple the light azure sky. The sky behind me seems sloshed in orange paint. The sun exhibits an AAMRAS color. The sky at my zenith point has a tint of light cobalt blue. There is a garden on either side of the tar road. In front of me and about 100 meters away from me stands the office building. I take out my camera. And capture the reflection of the Sun, rebounded by the panes. Satisfied with my camera work, I turn and look at the Sun again. Splendid, Round and Shiny. And its rays, contrary to its natural instincts, are cool. I am staring at the fireball, while my mind is immersed in a reverie. A reverie where I imagine reading a book, that is located on some custom-made overhead book holder, while I lie on a bed. Hands-free book reading, in a dark room, where the requisite illumination is provided by the cool light rays emitted by a candle. It is a simile to the early morning orange light rays from the sun.

LATER.

MEETING!!!

AGM ( over the phone): I want everyone to be there in 'thee' canferance room at 2:00 sharp. DAYDEECAYTED team work shood be there.
Me (on the other side of the call): Of course,Sir! The data and the file is ready! I shall get the print outs and come at 2 PM in the conference room.

I give the excel files a final TOUCH UP and copy them to a pen drive. And try one of the WINDOWS-technical-goof-up, that is the SAFELY REMOVE option. But, the 128 MB RAM does not support the 16 GB pen drive. I pull out the PD unceremoniously. And find an until-now-non-existent-bent along the length of the pen drive.
The pen drive is so badly bruised that it is now unfit for further use. Fuck that for now.I think. I shall carry the printouts to the meeting. I go to the printer cum scanner cum XEROX. The monochromatic LCD of the printer reflects "PAPER MISMATCH". I find that there is no paper in the paper tray. Helpless, I decide to borrow a pen drive from a colleague. I FINALLY manage to get those files in to the borrowed pen drive. I sigh. HUSSSSHHH.
I enter the conference room. Talk initiated inside the room is about IPL.
The droopy-eyed-tall-guy says: One six in 10 matches! And still the highest run getter. Isko Bolte hai AUKAT!

AGM: Sachin is now HAS starTED  playing like LARA.

BOOTLICKER: He has reached his maturity.

( AFTER playing for 21 long years, Sachin has matured. Mature enough to be compared to Lara.)
They notice me, coming in. My boss is absent for the day. So, it means that I represent my department today, at the meeting.

AGM: HEY! You should be here ON 2 o'clock. By 2:02 PM, you shood take THEE command. SEE, it is not enough to JUST come IN the playground, you shood also bat.


I nod. What more could I have done?

AGM: Let us GATE starTED.PLAY!!! Let this be A power play SAYsion!


By then, I am done with the uploading of the PD files to the conference PC. I open the files, but it takes eons to open a file on this decrepit computer. Finally, the file is displayed.
AGM: Where is thee important content? You shood have it with you.

ME: I have not got it from you, Sir. I have sent you an e-mail asking for the same.

AGM: e-mail se kya hota hai. Personally, you shood have contacted me! What is thee AAGEEENDAA?
I listen. ( What's the point of using an e-mail facility then? It is like sending first an invitation card by post to someone and then landing up at his residence to AGAIN personally invite the person!)
AGM: Where is your Boss?

Me: Donno, Sir!
AGM: There is no daaataaa. You DOES not bring any daaataaa. Useless time pass happen then.
Me:  I have brought the data,Sir!
AGM: Where is it? where is it?

The slow PC isn't capable to open a 1 MB file even after a minute.
AGM: You do not bring thee daaataaa! Your DEEPAARment is always LIKE THIS. You don't have daaataaa, why you come? Don't come then.

Me: I have  the data. It's just that the PC  is slow. It will open. Wait a minute.

AGM ( Now standing): The meeting is over then. You do not bring thee daaataaa. I am going to tell TO your boss that he is not making gooood use of his team. DEDIIICATSHUN is not there. You people just come IN the field, you shood also bring your BAT too. How MUCH times shood I shayre my bat. BAT bhi main laoo, ball bhi main hi laoo. AISA kaisa?

ME: Sir, it will open! The file will open!

AGM: That is NAAAOOO your probLAME. The meeting is over for us! ( he says,pointing towards his TEAM)

Everyone is ready to leave. They leave, eventually. I sit inside the conference room. Silent. Staring at the projected excel file.
BORED, i leave.

I return to my cubicle. It's been just 2 weeks at the job.

NEXT DAY. The situation is the same as the previous day's.

My boss isn't at work.

Slight change is that I do *not* attend the meeting.

The meeting is over by 2:02 PM. Again. LACK of DAAATAAA and DAYDEECAYSHUN, it seems again.

AGM ( comes to my cubicle): You WAS not presaant? There is no DAYDEECAYSHUN from your side. Your DEPARment is suffering. Have you and your boss made a straTARgee to not to come to thee meeting?

The AGM always mentions cricket. Almost every where. Relates it to almost everything.
POWER PLAYS, BAT & BALL. SACHIN!

The entirety of the AGM's AAAGEEENDDAA is now understood.

I realize that he is actually taking a straTARGEEEC TIME-OUT!!!



LATER!

CHAMPISAAGE!!!

Champissage. 


If you are done with reading and re-reading the above word and *FEEL* like WANTING to read further, I declare.....

I am NOT writing about champagne. So, people with vicarious motives can move on and not read further. OK.OK … WAIT… HOLD ON. A bottle of Champagne (free), kept in a room full of people, is like a magnet kept in a stack of ferrous particles. So, to cut the story short, I ain't writing bout wine, but CHAMPI.

I enter the gate of the colony where my HOME is located. I see a few school kids playing cricket. I go up to the batsman and ask “AREY!! EK BALL!!" He consents. I let my bag rest behind the stumps. I hit a few deliveries and feel tired. MENTALLY. Much to the delight to the batsman, I give him back his bat.

I see my mother T waiting for me at the door. She saw,through the kitchen window, me coming from across the road. My depleted face clearly tells her that I had a ‘LONG DAY’. She is off to the kitchen to prepare tea and some edible stuff. My head spun the way it did during the ULTA-PULTA-EXPRESS stunt. I deposit my body on a chair that is NOT designed to my size. My body press fits into it. With some cottage cheese ‘convex’ing through the chair. SIGH.

I hear a 756564 dB noise from the kitchen that carried along with it sentences such as “JALDI SE HAATH MOOH DHOLO!” and “SOCKS IN THE WASHING M/C.” in MARATHI.

After a 15 minute ablution session, I again deposit myself on that choking chair. I sit there thinking of nothing. Only a LONG DAY can make you think of NOTHING, I feel. The face is still slightly wet. Residual water drips from the washed hair and comes flowing to the eye-brows. It takes some warmth from the heated and exhausted eyes along with it to the cheeks. I feel like getting some shut eye, but it is just 19:00 Hrs. And the family sanskar says that 19:00 Hrs is the LAKSHMI-ENTERING-INTO-THE-HOUSE-TIME. So, I can’t touch the bed.

Even the MASALA CHAI and the butter toast did not help me get away with the headache. I sit there doing and thinking of NOTHING. I close my eyes. I can feel my breath. I hear some random sounds and conjecture MOTHER’s presence in the room. I do not open my eyes. I can feel the heat inside my body.

Suddenly, I feel a ‘flow’ on my scalp. By the time I open my eyes, MOTHER’s hands take charge of my hair and the scalp. I smell the ALMOND OIL. I open my eyes, feeling good. MOTHER is and as always is SPOT ON, on what her kids need. It was a head massage and not sleep, I longed for. HER fingers do a great job. SUBHANALLAH. I utter. By the time, she is done with the head massage, my eyes are watery. MOTHER says” IT’S HEAT COMING OUT!” I agree I say. It is a lot better than a saloon barber trounce on your scalp.

 No matter how long you receive a head massage, you always want a 2 minute extension. A final touch up.

The fagged feel is gone. I feel fresh. FRESH as the MERWAN’S cakes.

VISIT THE LINK:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzQt2RtXWnw

If you do not get enough of Johnny Walker, then visit another Johnny Walker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnSIp76CvUI&feature=player_embedded

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And stop April Fool's Day Jokes like " DEKH TERE PEECHE KYA HAI?"

The person looks back. He notices no one.

" HAHAHAHA!

April Fool!! Dabba Gul!! 

Dabbe mein Joker!!

Tu mera Naukar!!"

LATER.